this christmas was probably the best christmas i’ve had since i was 5. i got to see my family, talk with my cousins about my 21st birthday. got some texts from my crush! saw crystal and rock mom. brought food to my guy bbbffl because he couldn’t go home for christmas, and hung out with him for a while. saw sydnie, JP, and Rhey with my sister. they played video games and we ate mac and cheese with sausage. (sounds weird, but its really good.)
i got my black AP hoodie that i’ve been wanting for months! (i only wish i could’ve talked to kyle. that was the only down part)
now it is just a count down until my birthday. t-minus 19 days. get your party hats ready!
i will fall in love. it will be the kind of love that will never falter. it cannot be shaken. it shall forever grow. it may be unseen by most, but its there. next to you. above you. under you. right in front of your face. trust me. it will happen. it may not be now, but eventually. i will wait a life time for it.
i’ve been trying to save myself from this hole i’ve digging deeper and deeper into the ground.
it’s starting to look more like a grave than a shallow hole, which it used to be.
things just are not going my way.
at first, it was only a series of little things, but when i put them all together, plus my car getting towed the other day, it really adds up.
i need help.
and i can’t decide what to do anymore.
my choices are obscured by my want of something better than what i have, instead of what i need to fix now, in the moment.
and, unlike the stories i was told as a kid, there is no white knight to wisk me away from my troubles and sweep me off my feet.
or, if it is true, i am sick of waiting around for him.
time to save myself.
or die trying…