All my thoughts overwhelm me as I sit and wait for fatigue to set it. Insomnia can only last for so long. Endless hours add up to nothing, and nothing is everything un-admitted. If I wanted I could tell anyone anything. But my secrets are for me and not for the public.
A lifetime is long; I’ve known you for such a length of time. Through ups and downs, ins and outs, changes and contentment we outlasted them all. I’ve been your friend, your sister, your main support whether you acknowledge it or not. I won’t give up don’t worry, that’s not my nature. I do have to state that you’re moving forward and I’m standing still; the distance kills. Just please turn around every once in awhile and see me.
Would you like an announcement? You should already know what I can tell but you’re not too observant now are you? You’re mind is open but not your eyes. You’re missing a beautiful picture. I’ve tried to paint the picture for you but you knock the brush out of my hands. You know the ones who reach out to help you but are pushed away? Telling tales is one thing but to confide is too trust. I wish your trust had no line. You can trust me with your life. My motto is if you don’t ask I won’t tell, so I ask you as often as I feel comfortable. I’m scared you’ll lie because you’re scared too.
You’re unbelievable. You and your dirty little secrets. You’re not only the public, you’re the government. When you come back down to earth, maybe my confidence in you will restore itself. I miss the person you were. I hate were: I need is. Zebra’s can’t change their stripes and neither can you. Why waste effort? So much effort. When you’re ready you’re ready, history always repeats itself.
I can remember reading and hearing you. I didn’t need to see your face. It didn’t matter that you were untouchable. I didn’t even need to obsess like all the other stupid girls. All I needed was you to keep going. You are so great. Stop stopping and please continue. Don’t let distractions hold you back. You are great.
For every laugh I’d trade and secret, a thought, a feeling. If only I didn’t know they’d go through one ear and out the other.
Is there anyone out there made for someone else? Is it love? Is it friendship? Does it need a title? You understand. You can relate. It’s deep. I’m steep. You’re the loose ice pick that I cling to, still. Mistakes, opinions, judgments, and sides. We’re survivors.
Understandable silences. That’s all.
Voids are always around, waiting like shadows. Whether they are to be filled or to swell are the consequences of actions. Actions are to be decided, decisions are to be thought about, thinking is to choose to be alive. Are people alive? Without humanity people are just robotic zombies of the generation consumed by technology, stressed for money, and starving for attention. I guess people can only be a person, and try to find out how it’s like to be alive.
That’s the secret. That’s the un-admitted. That’s nothing. I believe that I am nothing.
Currently, I do not have a computer. My power cord took a crap on me. This is the 7th one I have been through (stupid DELL!) So, Sorry for the lack of postings on my person blog and on Patrick Cassels, Oh Yes! But, I am keeping busy, promise! Working at Old Navy, re-reading all the Harry Potter books, spending time with good friends, watching boot legged versions of New Moon. You know, the usual. Luckily, I do have my handy dandy iPhone to keep me in the loop. <3
My best friend, Nessa, is amazingly talented at crafts, and she is starting to sell them. She makes beanies, feather clips, feather headbands, pillowcases, necklaces, and earrings. Please check her out!
Last week, in Language Arts, we were discussing Harry Potter. Being a fan, I told them I read the fifth book so many times, I once counted how many times the book said ‘Harry’. My answer was 3532. Today, a quiet boy in class came up to me and said, “You missed one.” I’m in love.
Today, my friends and I went to Starbucks wearing our Harry Potter scarves, hats, and ties. As the Barista handed me my cup, he leaned in and whispered,"Off to Hogwarts?" I said,"Yeah, actually." Later, I looked at my receipt and not only was everything priced way less than it usually is, but there was a note that read: "See you there."