So I was laying in bed around 1:30am this morning. I had just finished watching one of my lame TV shows, and, I got a very lonely feeling. They were talking about true love in the show I was watching and every time they mentioned love, your face would pop into my head.
After the show was over, I sunk down into my bed, pulled my covers tight around me, and imagined you crawling into bed with me, wrapping your arms around me, pulling me tightly and closer to you and just laying there, comfortable in your arms. Safe and sound. Knowing that you love me and I love you. It was the happiest thought that I have in months, or maybe even years.
I can’t wait to leave here and finally get to you. It all feels so real and close. Pure happiness only a few months and a couple of plane rides away. There is this hope that is filling up inside of me. It’s all about our future together. Anything is possible. Love. Marriage. Kids. All happy dreams and thoughts that I never want to go away.
At times I get scared of these thoughts. Either getting too lost in them that they won’t become reality or that you don’t feel the same way. But, I guess, with love comes fear and that is what makes love so exciting and valuable. The risk of losing it all in an instant. For now, these are only thoughts, a lot less scary than the real thing. Hopefully, and most likely, the real thing will be a thousand times greater than the passing thoughts of someone realizing they are falling in real love for the first time in their life.
Now, I must fall asleep with my head buzzing with all these emotions and thoughts. I pray that in the morning I won’t rationalize them and just let them consume all of me for as long as I can hold on.
I am finally comfortable with letting people read an expert from it. If you want to read it, message me. I’d really love some feed back.
Watching my closest best friends fall in love is the hardest, saddest, and loneliest feeling in the entire world. As much as I feel left out and miserable about it, I can’t wish them any ill will because I love them so much and their happiness means the world to me. I wish they could just see how upset and singled out I feel. It’s like I am missing out on the best secret ever told.